Save Me (Rock Romance #4) Page 10

  Our free time in Oklahoma City was spent shopping for baby items, diapers, finger foods, toys, clothing. Everywhere we went had the same theme, children. Not that I had a problem with it at all. It helped take my focus on Gage away, it distracted me from thinking and feeling. We’re now on our way to Denver, Colorado, Steele’s Army is performing at Red Rocks. An amazing venue, and something I should be concentrating on, but now that we’re back on the bus all I can think about it the man sitting adjacent from me at the small table on our bus.

  I’m losing him, and with me being, myself, I cannot allow him to just drift away. He’s become something more than just want now a desperate and aching need. He keeps making these sexual references about woman to Jason and Zepp, about sleeping with someone else. I know it’s because I’m here. He’s only doing it because he’s scared of what we could be. Still doesn’t change the fact that it hurts.

  He’s scared to jump over the cliff with me, hand in hand. I can see it in his eyes, the way he holds himself, he’s on guard. Guarding himself against me. I don’t know how to get in, how to get through to him. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to make myself vulnerable, open myself to his love, or even opening myself to him hurting me. He could be so scared that he’ll turn his back on me.

  Regret isn’t something that I can allow myself to carry. I can’t do it. I refuse to let him as well.

  “We really need to talk.” I rip his curtain open. What I see isn’t what I had expected.

  “Rules, Abagail, fucking rules. Do you not know how to follow them?” His lips snarl, but his eyes hold lust, directed at me.

  “I wasn’t aware of any rules Gage.” I draw his name out over my lips, while not taking my eyes away from his hand.

  His hand that is currently holding a newly favorite body part that belongs to him.

  Wide girth, and extended length, solid as a rock. His cock.

  Luckily Jason and Zepp are still asleep in their bunks, so they aren’t witnesses to what I’m about to do.

  Every time I think about addressing my concerns with him, something happens to change my mind.

  This is defiantly something.

  I pause there, watching him touch himself. He squeezes the base of his cock tightly, my lips part on a gasp. I grip the edges of his bed with my hands, preventing myself from touching him.

  His eyes dart from my breasts to my lips to my eyes all the while he shifts his hand over his cock, up and down. Pre-cum beads at the tip, slowly flowing down over his hand.

  I reach my finger out to touch the liquid, wetting my finger, I swirl the cum around the head of his cock, he keeps his hand thrusting up and down at the base. His other hand massaging his balls gently.

  I suck his flavor off my finger teasingly. He watches intently, moaning lightly while speeding up his thrusts. I can feel my juices coating my lips below. My clitoris sensitive and in need of his touch, but I don’t speak, I don’t ask, I only watch.

  I watch him find his release, his eyes meeting mine intensely as he cums all over his abdomen while he moans my name, “Abby…”

  I reclose his curtain and walk away.

  He goes to the bathroom to clean himself I presume then goes back to his bunk, ignoring what just happened between he and I. Once we hit Denver and arrive at the hotel we’ll be staying at for the next week he takes off. He gets his own room, yet again so he doesn’t have to share. This time though, I’m not letting him just walk away, I’m not allowing him to put on the preface that he isn’t interested in me and that he doesn’t want me. I’m going to confront him this conversation needs to be had.

  “I want to be with you, not as friends, but as your partner. Your lover, your girlfriend, we can take it one day at a time. Step by step, deal with things as they come up, you and I can do this. I love you.” The words slip out of my mouth as soon as he shuts his room door behind me. I don’t know what I expected his reaction to be, I didn’t expect him to claim that he loved me as well. He’s been fighting whatever it is between us for a couple weeks now. I just want it to be over, the fighting that is.

  I hoped he would say something in reply to my unintended confession.

  Only, he’s silent.

  Defiantly silent.

  Breathe in, breathe out.

  “I don’t know what to say Abagail. What did you expect me to say?”

  I wasn’t expecting him to return my feelings on love, some people hold the love inside of themselves until they can’t any longer, some take longer to love, people who’ve never truly been loved, people like Gage. So no, I didn’t expect him to proclaim his love for me, but I did expect him to want to take that jump, with me.

  The risk, the same risk that I’m willing to take. Just hold it together, get through to him.

  “Fuck Abby, what am I supposed to say to that?”

  “I don’t know Gage, I thought that maybe you’d say you felt something for me, even if it’s not love yet, that you cared, that you wanted to love me that you wanted to try.”

  “I don’t want to try anything with you. I haven’t led you on, you know that a relationship isn’t something I wanted, you knew going into this that wouldn’t be the end game for us. The only end was for us to go our separate ways.”

  “She really fucked you up, you know that? Do you realize what power you still allow her to wield over you? Are you going to carry her with you forever?”

  “You know nothing. You shouldn’t talk about things you have no knowledge on.”

  “I don’t know because you won’t tell me. If you told me, maybe then I could find a way to understand.”

  “I don’t need you to understand, what part of anything I’ve said have you not understood? I. Do. Not. Want. You. We were, were being the key word, nothing but consensual sexual partners. We were never anything more than that. I don’t know what else I can say to make you see that, we are nothing. We will never be anything more than nothing.”

  “All I wanted was to save you, to love you.”

  “Save Me?” He yells. “Fucking save me Abby? What am I a wounded puppy? You don’t save people Abagail. I’m not in need of saving, so please find another charity case.”

  “That’s not what I meant, stop turning this around on me like I’m a bad person for caring about you, for loving you. Like my love is something detestable. I know we never talked about our relationship, I just had hopes that it turned into something more for you as it did me. I see now that I really was wrong about you. I’ve never been a person to give up Gage, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of fighting for something that clearly isn’t there for you.” I move over to his side, my hand cupping his face. “I love you.” I leave him to himself.

  I’ll give him a chance, but the window for making up won’t be open for long. What he said tonight, was hurtful, I felt it deep in my bones. As reality was someone carving a knife into my heart. The stitch I require to heal lies within his hands, it’s up to him to use it.

  This relationship, friendship whatever the fuck he wants to label it, has been tiring. I’m exhausted with emotion overload, from happiness and love to heartbreaking hurt. He doesn’t want to share his past with me right now, and that’s okay. I’m can live with that for now, but to make me pay for what she did, it isn’t fair.

  Blindly I walk, somehow finding myself outside Jason’s door. I lift my hand up to knock, when he opens the door.

  “I’m sorry Abby.” He says before he catches my fall.

  When I wake up I’m in my bed, tucked in, by Jason I presume. What happened last night hits me, deep in my gut, in my soul but I persevere because I have to.

  If Gage believes the story he’s spinning, there’s nothing left for me to do. Nothing I can say or do that will change how he feels, but I’m not going to hightail it. I’ll continue on with the tour as long as I have to, as long as my job requires it and I’ll be okay. I have to be.

  Chapter 18

  I pushed her away and I shouldn’t have, I regret it with every beat
my heart makes. If only I hadn’t allowed the past to control my future, maybe then I wouldn’t have chased her away, scared her really. Maybe then her and I would be together right now.

  “You can get her back you know.” Jason says while sitting idly beside me, Liam, Zepp and Ryan join the table for breakfast.

  “Not going to happen, the things I said, what I did, aren’t forgivable.”

  “But you were lying about how you felt, she has to have known that. Tell her the fucking truth already, own up to your own feelings instead of wallowing in the sadness of your own making.”

  “How about fuck off?”

  “You know when it came to Layla, I was an asshole. I regret it now, I was in denial for a while man and so are you.” Liam interjects.

  “Layla and you were different, everyone could see how much you two wanted each other.”

  “Not different Gage. Natalie agrees too, Abagail’s yours. You’ve got her, what are you going to do with her is the question? Are you going to keep pushing her away? Are you willing to throw it all away because of your past?”

  “It’s not that simple Ryan. Every time I’m with Abagail I want to question her actions. Is she only interested because of who we are, of who I am? Or is she for real?”

  “You need to let what Sam did go, or you’ll never be able to move on. Save yourself, you’re the only one. If you don’t, you will only have regrets.” Liam advices.

  “I didn’t tell you this before, but Abagail is for real. When I realized how much she was interested in you, I called a friend and had him look into her, because of your insecurities and damn if I knew you would allow Samantha to control your future. I knew you would use what she did as an excuse for your fear of opening yourself to someone. If you want the information I received you’re more than welcome to it, or you can take my word for it- she’s a good one.”

  “You had her investigated?” I say harshly. That’s too much, it’s taking her privacy away.

  “I knew you’d run scared, I did you a favor. I thought you’d be able to move on yourself, but apparently you need our help. You trust me, you trust my word. Go after her, don’t let her walk away.” Jason urges.

  So I take my leave from the table. In the hotel’s restaurant and ride the elevator to her floor.

  When the elevator dings that it hit floor eleven I exit and take my cellphone out. I text her a message while approaching her door.

  My fingers shake while typing.

  Me: I’m an asshole.

  She replies within seconds.

  Abby: Tell me about it.

  Me: You see I met this girl a few months ago, she caught me the moment I placed my hands on her. I haven’t been able to get her out of my head, but I treated her badly. I told her that we were nothing, again and again, even after sleeping with her. I denied my feelings and hurt her.

  No reply.

  Come on Abby, just give me a chance.

  Me: I don’t know how to make it up to her, I don’t think she'll forgive me for the mean things that I said.

  Abby: Maybe if you apologized to her and told her how you truly felt. Maybe then she’d forgive you.

  Me: I’m sorry Abagail. I lied to you when I told you I felt nothing that you were nothing. The truth is you’re the first person that’s made me feel in years, it terrified me. I was scared, I’m still scared, but I’m here because I want you. I want to be with you, I didn’t realize it until last night. Until you walked away from me, that I loved you. I want you to be my lover, my girlfriend. So Abby, do you forgive me?

  Abby: I love you too.

  Abagail swings the door open and jumps into my arms. Her hands clutch at my neck while her lips search for mine, but before I can kiss her, she needs to know.

  “You saved me from my past.”

  The End.

  After much thought, I decided to include my playlist for writing

  Save Me: Rock Romance #4

  Thanks to these artists for soul wrenching inspiration

  Skeletons- Heartist

  Torn To Pieces- Pop Evil

  Words As Weapons- Seether

  Lay Me Down- Sam Smith

  Don’t Lean On Me- The Amity Affliction

  Good Man- Devour The Day

  Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

  Topless- Breaking Benjamin

  Believe- Staind

  Come With Me Now- KONGOS

  Monster- Skillet

  Don’t Need Y’all- Iggy Azalea

  Life’s Been Good- Joe Walsh

  Distraction #74- The Avett Brothers

  Ghosts That We Knew- Mumford & Sons

  Fix You- Coldplay

  First Chance: Rock Romance #1

  US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HW1LZUE

  UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00HW1LZUE

  CA: http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B00HW1LZUE

  AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B00HW1LZUE

  An Excerpt from First Chance: Rock Romance #1

  Chapter 1

  Natalie

  “I think I just fell head over heels in love.”

  That's what my best friend Layla just squealed aloud to me.

  She’s staring at an album cover, drooling over the lead singer of a rock band I have never heard of. Don’t get me wrong I love music, I breathe music. It’s a part of my soul. I just have no interest in a mainstream rock band- sell outs really. Layla tells me the band’s name is Steele's Army; their lead singer Steele is her dream man. The man she would give everything up for. A man she would follow anywhere.

  She mentions that they are coming to our college in Boston. Our college, the Berklee School of Music, entered some radio contest, and we won. I do not want to go but am preparing myself to. I know Layla is going to use the friend card to get me to agree to attend this sorry excuse of a concert. What’s one night of putting up with shitty soulless music for my best friend?

  I've known Layla my entire life. Our parents were best friends, until tragedy struck.

  I hate remembering those days. It always hurts. We celebrated every birthday and holiday together as a family. Living across the street from each other our entire lives, our parents being so close to one another, we would have dinner together every night. As a family. Rotating who would host.

  Until five years ago, Layla and I were staying at my house having a movie night while our parents went to a sit down fundraiser dinner raising money for abused children. Our parents were always supporting charities. They were fortunate to have money beyond their wildest dreams. I also donate quarterly, mainly to charities for children or music programs, in memoriam of them.

  I still don’t know all the details, nor do I want to. I think it would fuck me up even more if I did.

  Recalling that night. It was late, way past our supposed bedtime, when we heard a knock at the door. I paused the movie we were watching and answered the door. It was a police officer. He introduced himself as Officer Petty's. He asked if I was Natalie Wright. That being me of course, I said yes. He then asked if Layla was there and if we would come with him.

  I should have known something was wrong when he wouldn’t tell us why we were on our way to the hospital. In fact, he wouldn’t tell us anything at all. When you tell someone that their parents are deceased and that her best friend’s parents are in surgery, you don’t want them to be alone.

  When we entered the ER, he asked me if I wanted to see my parents’ bodies that's how we broke the crushing news. There was no way that I could handle something like that, and I really didn't wish to remember my parents that way, so I hastily declined.

  Firstly, I was angered at the officer then at the doctors for not being able to save them. Then anger toward the cruelty of it all. What kind of person informs a fifteen year old that she is now alone in the world like that?

  Later, I had found out that the officer did try to find out if I had any next of kin, preferring that they broke the news. I remember him asking if we would like to wait in the waiting roo
m while Layla’s parents were in surgery.

  Where else would we have gone?

  While we sat in that waiting room nervously awaiting news from the doctors on Layla’s’ parents condition, what was happening slowly sunk in. I became numb just feeling a wave of emptiness wash over me, my heart detaching itself from my emotions, no longer there. I was alone. They were my only blood family. My parents were both products of a one child family and my grandparents on both sides had passed way before I had made my way into this world.

  Apparently our parents had a few drinks and thinking Layla's father was the least drunk, he drove them home. Speeding down the road, he lost control of the car causing the vehicle to crash into a guard rail, and my parents were then thrown from the car. EMTs found my parents bodies about fifty feet away from the car. They were pronounced dead on the scene. Layla's father, Brian, was going at least seventy miles an hour and not one of them were wearing seatbelts.

  Layla's father and mother recovered. They had scars from the injuries, easily hidden underneath clothing, but there was more scarring. Less visible to people that I could see in their eyes every time they looked at me for the past five years.

  I think that's why they took over guardianship of me, out of obligation to my parents. I could have gone to a foster home. The money would have been put away in a trust, and when I turned eighteen, I would have been discharged from the state and handed a loaded bank account.

  I know they love me in their own way, but I also think the guilt ate at them so much that they did things out of both guilt and love. My parents were rich. Layla's were as well, and because of that my life was set. I never had to worry about anything. I could do whatever I wanted with my life. I chose to go to college many miles away from home. Away from the pity stares of everyone in my home town. With Layla.