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  I walk into our makeshift dressing room, Jason is pacing back and forth while taking a shot of Jameson. The guy gets stage fright, even after eight years, guess that's also why he stays behind those drums. “Listen up boys. Jason - you cool it. We've got ourselves one of those uppity bitches in the audience. You know what that means.” I say eyeing each one of the guys, they all nod their heads knowing exactly what our plan will be. “We need to break her yeah?”

  “Hell Yeah!” They yell. We've made it this fucking far, if you’re going to attend our fucking concert then you damn well better enjoy it. Jason offers me a shot, and I down it. The fire lights a way straight to my inner core. A few more shots and then we’ll be fucking ready.

  We make our way to the stage, the lights down low. We can barely see so I know the audience can’t see shit. They have no idea that were are less than a foot away. As I grab my guitar, I look to the right of me, making sure Zepp and Liam are ready, glancing over my shoulder, Jason nods, then to my left Gage on Bass winks provocatively, that perverted bastard.

  We’re ready.

  One lone light shines down on us. Everyone becomes silent for one small moment, and then. Then they fucking scream. I walk up to the microphone stand, glide my hand into place and pull it to me like a woman’s slender neck, ready to receive my kiss. I place my lips very close to the microphone and breathe out.

  “What the fuck is up BOSTON!!!!” I scream. Random words are all yelled back in our direction.

  “Do you want to fucking party with us?” Everyone in audience replies back in the loudest scream.

  “Fuck yeah!” And then, Zepp, Gage and Liam all synchronize, playing into rhythm. Jason starts beating the drums like a fucking god. And I, I sing the fucking song.

  “As I lay dying, I think about the memories the memories of yesterday...” I close my eyes letting the music take over me. It washes throughout my veins. The energy and the emotion in the music that my boys are putting out is unexplainable. The crowd is drinking it up, and then retching it. Throwing it back to us.

  Fans are body surfing throughout this fucking place, trying to get even closer to us. Security strategically placed in front of the stage are shoving people back in droves. I fucking grin, I love this shit. Moving across the stage, working every angle, my eyes zoom all the way to the back row dead center and this bitch is the only one unfazed in this entire fucking room.

  She’s unimpressed. Our first song is almost over, I cock my head backwards and glance at the guys. They know it’s time, usually I choose wait until the middle of our set, but everyone except for Jason has worked this stage. They can see how unaffected this girl is. I pace, while Gage and Zepp do a fade out. Ending the song.

  I strut back to the middle of the stage, place the microphone back in the stand, point my right finger at her and say “Honey?” her head turns to me, eyes wide.

  Then glances around her. She’s unsure I'm speaking to her “Yes. You.” I state. Matter-of -factly.

  “Why don’t you get your ass up here on my stage?" I yell, shooting daggers at her.

  I have to make sure she understands that I’m not fucking joking, I don’t invite just anybody onto our stage. The crowd is going fucking wild, heads turned around to see who I am talking about. By their reactions, they want to see me make an example of her, their hungry for it.

  A few people get loose of the pit, they start walking to the back of the auditorium. They’re planning on bringing her to me, I can tell. Like bringing a pig to slaughter. They the farmhands, wanting to eat it all up.

  Some are screaming out “Who the fuck is she?”

  Like I must know this superior broad, that this is part of the show. Soon. Minutes actually, they will be assured it most certainly is not.

  Chapter 5

  Natalie

  “As I lay dying...”

  I hear his throaty aggressive rasp. It’s sexy as hell and all man. My mind does not want to be attracted to this voice. My body has other plans and my ears are taking it all in. This man can sing. Enjoy his songs, I do not. But god damn I could listen to his voice A-Cappella all night.

  If I mentioned one word about this to Layla she would never let me live it down. I am not a fan of change, and I would never voluntarily listen to this band. I've heard a few of their songs on the radio. Enough to remember who it was and then change the station. Not without Layla showcasing those pouty eyes trying to beg me to keep it there.

  Whomever said that every band sounds the same live as they do on their albums, are liars. I have never heard an artist sound so much better live on stage, then they do on their songs.

  His voice is knocking me down, breaking my musical barriers. And then he opens his mouth to speak rather than sing, and slowly ruins every thought I just had.

  “Honey?” I hear, rather than see him. It would be pitch black in here if it wasn't for one solo light. That's currently shining on me. I look around, hoping, praying.

  Surely he isn't talking to me.

  Anyone else but me.

  “Yes, you” he yells.

  The lights come on, and he’s staring right at me. I stare back. He is pissed. What could I have possibly done, to piss of a complete stranger so much?

  “Why don’t you get your ass up here on stage?” Not asking, but demanding.

  I see a few people walking toward me, his self-appointed minions. I look behind me, to the door. Maybe, just maybe I could make it out before they reached me. I look back to the crowd, Layla is on the outside barrier of people. Still with Benjamin. Her eyes currently pleading with me to just do as asked. She wants me to go.

  Fight or flight.

  I choose fight. No one is carrying me, I'll walk willingly. I put my feet down flat on the floor and stand up. Looking him in the eye, not to show submission, but to show that I am an equal. Making my way to the stage the crowd of people part a path for me to walk through. I feel eyes on me. Looking up to confirm who they belong to. It was as I thought. Steele. Glaring holes right through me. A tight smirk playing upon his face. What game is he playing? I ponder maybe this is part of their show. Randomly calling out women from the audience.

  So I walk slower. He can wait on me.

  I study his face. He is what I would consider beautiful.

  My heart is pounding erratically. He runs his hand through his jet black hair. It’s falling down in cascading waves slightly shading his eyes. Eyes that I can partially see, staring back at me. A color so magnificent, an ocean blue, but obviously laced with pain, an emotion so intense I can almost feel it pouring out of him and embracing me. With an overwhelming sensation, my breath hitches.

  I reach the stairs, one step closer to confronting this brooding stranger. I walk up the steps one at a time. As slowly as possible. He reaches his hand out, I reluctantly grasp it and let him pull me up. Stumbling I fall into him, he catches my fall, my chest landing against his. I can feel he is as affected as I am by this.

  His heart is pounding, slowly matching the rhythm of my own. Calm the fuck down Nat, I tell myself.

  Correcting myself, standing upright quickly, face reddening. I look behind me and realize that I had forgotten the large mass of people that are also witnessing my humiliation not only at falling into his embrace but that I was ordered to stand upon this stage. I glance at the band with a help me look. They do not seem surprised that I was called up here, they know exactly what’s about to happen.

  This gorgeous specimen of a man interferes in my space, grabs my hand, then leans his head in to the side of my face and whispers in my ear “About time you came up here, I'm Steele. You know most women would have ran up here.”

  I take a step back withdrawing my hand from his. Bewildered and angered by his presumptuous tone that I should be honored to stand next to him. I look around, searching for someone who isn't Okay with this. But everyone, including my best friend is begging, pleading for something to happen.

  Well Fuck it. I’ll give them what they want, then I'm fucking gon
e. I stare at Steele, right into his torment filled eyes, and say “What do you want?”

  He and I are the only ones who can hear what is being said. Thank God.

  “You obviously weren't enjoying the show, so I thought I would make ya part of it Minx.”

  “Tell me, Steele” I hiss. “How did you figure that I being up here is going to make me enjoy your show?”

  “Well Honey, it’s going to work, because you’re going to be singing a song with me.” He states with confidence.

  “You're delusional. Lyrics? I don’t know one word to any of your fucking songs.” I say hysterically.

  This guy is fucking crazy. He starts laughing, putting his right arm over his stomach, bent over gasping for breath because he finds my predicament so hilarious.

  “I don’t think this is funny.”

  What seems like minutes later, he stands upright and wipes the smile off his face. Replacing it with a no nonsense, downright serious glare.

  “Now, why are you going to lie to me like that? I highly doubt you haven't heard any of our songs, for fuck sakes you are going to a college for music. Let’s get this fucking moving. You’re singing. With me.”

  “What song?” I ask resigning myself to this, if I just sing this goddamn song then I can leave.

  “Used by you.” He smirks.

  What a bastard.

  “I'm not singing that song with you, it’s about cheapening the meaning of love, and degradation of women. An example of everything I despise in mainstream music. No, I'm not going to fucking do it.” I snarl.

  “Ha! So you do know one of our songs!” He exclaims, quite happily it seems.

  I'm defeated, I just want to get this done and over with. This is probably the only song I know well enough to attempt singing, and as soon as I do this, I won’t have to see him again. At this moment leaving is all I want to do. The only reason I am still standing right here on this stage. Is because I am about to knock him on his smug ass.

  Unbeknownst to him I can sing, I've been compared to some of the best female voices of all time.

  “Well let’s get this moving.” I say.

  He turns to the band members, they all take their place. Unfortunately Steele and I have to share a microphone. The song starts with the drummer hammering on the snare and bass drum. The bassist and guitarists both start in on the same cue. Making this earth enchanting rhythm, almost hypnotizing. The stage is vibrating beneath my feet. Shaking me to my core.

  Looking into Steele's eyes and he into mine and together start to sing every verse harmonizing.

  “When I first met you, you were fucking crazy

  Maybe that's why your pussy didn't faze me

  So used and abused

  Unconscious and boozed

  Sharing yourself with every-one

  You couldn't make me cum

  Clothes tattered and torn

  You screaming out for more...”

  The song ends. I scan the audience, seeing that they are pleased. I run. Down the stairs of the stage, out the auditorium. Out of the college. I run. I keep running until I am gasping for air.

  My ribs are screaming out in pain but I don’t want to stop. Not until I am home where I can think about what the hell just happened and the consequences of my running away. So I keep going. For over five miles I run as if the grim reaper himself were chasing me claiming me for death. As soon as I get home I race to my bedroom and lock my door.

  No doubts as to whether or not Layla is going to want to discuss this. I know I sure as hell don’t want to. I sit on my bed and place my head between my knees breathing in and out. I can feel a panic attack coming on. The slight dizziness in my head, the drink I had earlier fighting its way out, with every muscle in my body tensing.

  This point in the anxiety game is when every single one of my fears lace together and run amuck in my head. I feel as if I am held hostage there having to bear witness to every possible worse scenario that could ever conceivably happen to ones I love, ever loved or even myself. My fears, they bridge forming one piece. Pain and death. I'm forever fighting to keep people out, because at any moment anyone can die from anything and I never want to feel that pain ever again.

  My breath stolen from my lungs, and my heart breaking into a million pieces. I was the one left alive, knowing I would trade my life for theirs. But it’s impossible.

  Death is final. There is nothing I can do to change it now.

  It’s been years and I still feel that void that will never fill. I'm frozen. Nothing and no one can ever relieve the emptiness inside of my heart. For the attack to subside sooner I have to let the reins loose, and my battle to maintain control down to a minimum. I just have to go with it. Face it. And eventually everything will be alright. My mantra. I keep telling myself over and over again. It will be alright. One day, I will get over this. These feelings will not have a hold over me. Maybe then, I can let someone in. Slowly, my thoughts become my own and any fears I had were thrown to the back of my subconscious.

  The door slams! I jerked my head out of my lap. Who in the hell is that? I ask myself. I run out into the living room and see Layla and Benjamin.

  “As your best friend I'm going to ask, are you alright?” Layla says in a controlled manner while Benjamin acts as if he would rather anywhere else in the world at the precise moment.

  “Yeah, I'm fine. I was just full of nerves and didn't want to be ambushed by all of the crazy fans, ya know.”

  “Yeah, YEAH! Nat I completely understand how you fucked this up for YOU, for US. Ryan Fucking Steele asked you. YOU! To come up onto his stage, and what do you do? You hightail it out of there before he could get your name, let alone speak to you.” She yells punctuating each and every word.

  I underestimated her anger.

  “I hope your joking right now Layla. I mean you are joking right?” A hint of anger lacing my voice.

  “I'm not playing.” Layla says annoyed.

  “I know you wanted me to go up there, you were practically begging me with your eyes. But I was humiliated, he did it on purpose.” Snapping back.

  “You didn't hear our conversation. He was taunting me, he was making an example out of me because I wasn't enjoying their god damn show.” At this point I am yelling.

  “It doesn't matter. What matters is you could have learned from a legend, his entire empire is made up of THE BEST in this business. Instead you have to fuck up every single good thing you have coming your way.”

  Instantly I retort “It wasn't what...”

  She cuts me off. "I don’t want to hear it. I'm done discussing this. I'm going out with Benjamin. I won’t be home until Monday for class. We just came back so I could grab a change of clothes. Think about what I said.”

  And with that she just walks away. I can’t even speak. Layla and I never argue, we may disagree on a few things here and there as they come up. Ultimately though, we always just let the other be. We've never fought about each other’s actions or choices. Flabbergasted, I decide to hide out in my room until they leave.

  Chapter 6

  Steele

  We finish our set thanking everyone for entering the contest- the contest that I nor the band approved of or was even aware that our tour manager Mel had allowed us to be entered in. I storm off backstage, the guys following.

  Shocked. That's the only way I can describe what I'm feeling. I reenter our dressing room. Before I can even speak Jason does. “The princess you had on stage was something else Ryan, she has some fight in her. It’s not a surprise she stuck out to you in that mob of fans.”

  “What do you mean it’s a not a surprise that she caught my attention?” I question, wondering what he could be implying.

  “Cool it man, all I'm saying is that chick was easily the most unapproachable in that entire horde. Also she was easily the sexiest.” He says almost laughing.

  “Yeah well it didn't go exactly how I had planned. She ran dude, fucking ran.”

  At that precise moment, a
female walks in interrupting our conversation. She introduces herself to Jason first, then Gage, Zepp and Liam, then me.

  “I'm Layla” she says, in a smooth seductive tone.

  “Uh, Hi Layla and what may I do for you?" I say with a suggestive wink. This girl is fucking hot, thing is she knows it. I'm unsure if this is a good thing or a bad thing with her.

  “Oh no baby, it’s not what you can do for me but what I can do for you. You see that hot little thing you were just singing with on stage, well I know her name. Am I wrong in assuming you might want to know it too?” She says sure of herself.

  I look around at the guys, curiosity laid out over their faces. They want to know as bad as I do who this girl is. The one- the only person we've come across that's remained unflustered, almost offended by our music. I mask my features, needing to remain calm, cool and collected. I don’t want any of them to really see how interested I am, I want to teach this little girl a lesson or two.

  No one runs from me.

  “Sure. So what’s her name and who is she to you. I mean she has to be somebody if you would risk sneaking past security to get in here. Am I right?" I say back sounding uninterested.

  “One, she’s my best friend. Two, if you hurt with her I will come after you.” She says threateningly. “And three, her name is Natalie. Natalie Wright.”

  It’s clear this girl means something to her but I will heed to her warning. “You have nothing to worry about, I don’t plan on seeking her out. She’s a college kid for Christ sakes. Nothing special.” She flinches as if I cut her.

  “Security” I yell.

  “Will you help this kind young woman find her way out?”

  Dee offers her his hand and she reluctantly takes it, glancing back she says “Remember what I said? Don’t hurt her.” And with that she disappears from my view.